Mani Counseling

Behavioral therapy, especially as pioneered by B.F. Skinner, emphasizes the idea that behaviors can be shaped and conditioned through reinforcement, much like training animals such as dogs or rats. Skinner’s theories of operant conditioning propose that by using rewards or punishments, we can effectively modify behaviors in predictable ways. While this approach has been instrumental in understanding how behavior can be influenced, there is a limitation that becomes clear when applying this purely mechanical view to human beings, especially young children.

If Skinner’s approach were completely effective, then every child would behave perfectly when subjected to this kind of training. But the reality is far more complex, because humans are not just behavioral machines that respond to stimuli; we are emotional beings deeply influenced by our connections and relationships. When we focus solely on controlling behavior and ignore the emotional component of human development, we risk causing more harm than good.

A prime example is sleep training, where parents might allow a baby to “cry it out” in order to teach them to self-soothe and sleep through the night. From a behavioral perspective, this method can be deemed successful—after all, the baby eventually stops crying and learns to sleep alone. But what’s happening on a deeper emotional level? The baby may internalize feelings of abandonment, creating an insecure attachment to the parent. The child might learn the behavior of sleeping independently, but they also receive a powerful emotional message: “When I’m in distress, no one will come to help me.”

This emphasis on behavior without considering the emotional needs of a child can erode the parent-child connection, prioritizing short-term outcomes over long-term emotional health. The consequences of focusing only on behavior are often hidden but deep—anxiety, insecurity, and issues with trust and attachment can surface later in life. The child might appear “well-trained,” but at what cost to their emotional wellbeing?

It is essential to recognize that behavior, while important, is only one piece of the puzzle. True healthy development comes from nurturing both behavior and emotions, fostering secure relationships where a child feels seen, heard, and supported.